Recently, I read a story of a man which goes as follows:
A pastor was called to the bedside of a dying man. He was a man whom nobody liked. He was hard, bitter, and sullen. He lived in a tumble-down shack on the edge of town. When he went into town, he made it clear that he didn’t want to speak to anyone, and he didn’t want anyone to talk to him. Even the children ran from him. People wondered what had made him so bitter and mean. Some thought he had a guilty secret.
Others were sure he had committed a terrible crime and was a fugitive. But they were all wrong. The simple truth was that a friend had done him a grievous wrong when he was a young man. He was so angry that he said, “I’ll remember it until my dying day.” And he did. He told the pastor at his bedside, “I’ve gone over it every morning. I’ve thought about it every night. I’ve cursed that man a hundred times a day. “Gasping for breath, he continued, “I see now that my bitterness has eaten out my soul. My hate has hurt nobody but myself.
In reading this story, it becomes ever so clear as to what bitterness is and how to overcome it. The anger of the older man stems back to his younger years when he was what he deemed to be mistreated. A friend had done him wrong, and instead of approaching the friend with the matter- he harbored resentment and unforgiveness in his heart and became bitter towards his friend. In defining bitterness, you will find it to be a sore and angry attitude of mind towards the individual(s) who has mistreated them. As Christians, we must guard against such a mindset. It is destructive and divisive. It goes against the very nature of God (John 17:21). So how do we accomplish such a task? How do we guard against and defeat bitterness?
HOW TO DEFEAT BITTERNESS
Defining bitterness as anger and disappointment because of mistreatment, it becomes ever so clear to me that bitterness is a choice. You have to choose to become bitter because you have to decide to become angry, which is its root. That being the case, if we are going to defeat bitterness, then we will have to choose not to become angry, and if we become angry, then we have to decide not to sin in being angry. This is what Paul points out to the brethren at Ephesus. “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil (Eph.4:26-27).” Paul understood that one could become righteously indignant at someone else’s actions. But in doing so, Paul said choose not to let that anger become sin (Vs.27). It’s when we allow that anger to linger around instead of addressing the issue in a timely fashion- then it becomes sin. So, if we are going to defeat bitterness, we first must choose not to become angry, and if we are angry, then we have to decide not to allow that anger to linger.
Secondly, if we will defeat bitterness, we must approach the one who has wronged us. God, our perfect example, went to those with whom He had issues. You don’t have to leave the first few chapters of the bible before you see that as the case. In the garden of Eden (Gen 3), when Adam and Eve sinned, the bible records that they heard the voice of God walking in the cool of the day towards them (Vs.8), but why? It was because they had violated His command not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, so now He comes to deal with them. Same thing in Gen. 4 with Cain and Gen. 6 with Noah. Like God, we must go to those who have wronged us (Matt. 18:15-17). Sometimes, a brother might not know that he has wronged us and never have the chance to make it right we would rather him somehow read our mind to know that he did something wrong towards us and that we are angry about it. Friends, That isn’t the scriptural way of doing things. The Bible says go to him and tell him what he did wrong. This eliminates a lot of confusion and issues resulting from doing things the other way. In doing things the other way, the brother never comes to you because he doesn’t know there is an issue, and you, in return, choose to harbor ill feelings toward him because he never came to you when you could have easily eliminated everything by letting him know he offended you. Going back to the story above, if the older man had put this into practice, maybe the ending would read differently.
Thirdly, if we are to defeat bitterness, we will have to serve. To the Philippians Paul points out this message. There was fighting going on (Philippians. 4) amongst two Sisters in Christ, and in chapter two, Paul gives the remedy. “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross (Philippians 2:3-8).”
Paul said serve. We would do well to learn this point. Jesus came to teach us how to serve, not how to be served (John 13:1-17). If we all serve one another, no one gets mistreated, and no one has a cause to become bitter.
Fourthly, forgive. Right after Paul tells the Ephesians to put away bitterness (Eph.4:31), he then tells them how (Vs.32). If we put away bitterness, then we will have to forgive. This can be the hardest of all to do sometimes. I say that because even when a person gives an apology, which may be sincere, we judge to see if it’s truthful or not, and if we don’t think it’s honest, then we don’t forgive in our hearts, and over some time, our hearts become calloused.
Pride can also keep us from forgiving. We may feel that we have the right to be angry and not let go of our feelings, and as a result, we are unforgiving. As Christians, this should never be said of us. We need to forgive because God first forgave us of our sins (Mk.11:26). The man in the story serves as a perfect example of what not to do. He said, “I’ll remember it until my dying day.” Let us forgive!
Fifthly, we need to Pray. In Matthew 5, in His sermon on the Mount, Jesus is dealing with the attitude of the Jews (Ex.21:24; Dt.19:21; Lev:24:20). The Jews were an “eye for an eye” type of people. If you kicked their dog, they would kick yours. If you talked about their momma, they would talk about yours. Jesus says to that thinking, no! When someone wrongs you, then you do good to them! You pray for them (Mt.5:38-45)! There is no more excellent way to eliminate hate and anger than to pray! If you recall Jesus on the cross, He personified this when He uttered, “Father, forgive them ” (Lk. 23:34).”
Lastly, give the problem to God (1 Pet. 2:21-23). We become bitter because of unfair treatment. If anyone had reason to be bitter due to unfair treatment, it was Jesus! Yet He gave His problems to the Father (Vs.23). He cares for you (1 Pet. 5:7). He will repay the evil doer. “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord (Rom.12:19).”
In closing, I think it beneficial to point out to the reader that bitterness is not characteristic of a Christian. In the letter to the Colossians, Paul tells them to put to death certain practices. The anger towards others is among those listed, which leads to bitterness (Col.3:5-8). In Galatians, he uses the same word: hatred. As Christians dead to the world, we must operate under the fruit of the spirit, which involves love, and not be like the man in the intro!
“Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you (Eph.4:31-32).” –
Howard Odom